Madonna Rebel Heart Tour 2016 in Singapore: “Not sorry bitches”

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Given that Madonna is fast approaching 60 years (she’s turning 57 this August 16) and that her career path has spun over three decades, you can’t fault the Material Girl for having a colourful life (both personal and career-wise). She is after all, M-A-D-O-N-N-A.

So if you’re one of the most revered singers walking on this planet Earth, how do you toe the line between Singapore’s super-strict draconian MDA laws and carrying out risque and controversial art? You push a little, then more, and maybe you cuss and smoke on stage. That’s what the American singer did, much to the fans’ delight. She’s got to be one of the hardest artist to work with, but she sure does have a sense of humour!

Starting an hour late after the stipulated time, Madonna descended on stage in a cage, with visuals of crucifixes flashing rapidly on screen with the song “Bitch, I’m Madonna” quickly roused screaming fans’ to their feet. Yes, Queen Madge has finally made her entrance, no holds-barred. It’s her first time in sweltering Singapore, and she, like other mortals, complained about the heat: “Are you sweating as I am?” This, after she wiped both her pits with her dancer’s shirt and threw it into the crowd. Madonna is crass, outspoken and she means business. The program continues with her instructing her dancers to show off their pecs, yes mind you, both men and women for “girls (have always) work harder” so, what better way to acknowledge women empowerment by the Queen herself?

To push the envelope further, while the song ‘Sex’ is played, her dancers performed graphically simulated sex acts on stage ala Broadway style, I feel, and the movements were almost-theatrical, thus silencing the whole stadium down. Did I hear gasp? No. But I do see lots of fixated gazes. This is just the tip of the shock value iceberg and we’re in it for more.

To slow things down, Madonna threw in her 80s hits ‘True Blue’ and ‘Lucky Star’ and mixed it up with some hip-hop remixes to get the crowd pumping. That drew the loudest roar resonating throughout the stadium – if you take a quick look around, most of her fans have stuck out as long as she has; that’s the amazing pop power she’s garnered over the years. Sure she hasn’t had any new Top 100 hits since 2008 for ‘4 Minutes’ but she sure has more top 10 hits than any other artists in the history of Billboard charts. So while it’s safe to say it is hard to go head-to-head with hot, now artists like Nicki Minaj, Taylor Swift, it’s undisputed who reigns the supreme chart of biggest hits (so far).

Now this is where I get my kicks; the Queen begins to swear. Profusely. And accepts no apology for that. Now we’re talking. “This is my favourite moment in the show, can you guess why? You’re fucking paying attention! Is it okay if I use the f-word here? (crowd yelled ‘yesssssss’) It’s fucking killing me! Oh my god, just the air between my legs,” Madonna says it as it is. Everyone went bonkers. Mainstream press is going to have a FIELD day with this, I thought. If there’s one thing you can learn from her, is learning how to cuss properly. The mother of four then proceeded to spend some good five minutes teaching the crowd how to enunciate: “Uno, dos, tres, catch Motherfuckers!”

If my mum was swearing like a truck driver all day long like Madonna, I’d film her and upload the footage up to Vine and call myself a viral star.

Clearly, Madonna has a lot of wisdom to disseminate and she does it with much thought process, some truth we ALL can learn from, including CEOS and senior managers down to blue-collared workers: “Sometimes you need a drink, so you can think, cheers everybody!” She sipped from a glass and went on to sing ‘Crazy For You’ a 1985 soundtrack hit to the movie ‘Vision Quest’.

So far Madonna has cursed, drank and pranced wildly on stage. Just another day in her life. But what intrigued us are the nougats of liners she’s been handing out so far and another one when she shared she was staying at Capella in Singapore and witnessed a wedding photoshoot. To which she boldly screamed, “No don’t get married!”

Now, preach to us sister.

As she’s holding a wedding bouquet, she lamented: “See, I have this wedding bouquet and I’m supposed to be married but I’ve been married twice and it didn’t go so well; should I take a chance? People get married for the wrong reasons and I’ve got good reasons and I’m going to demonstrate this.” She threw the bouquet to a guy in the VIP section who has a problem communicating, and picked him up: “Do you drive a car? Can you say it with enthusiasm? Do you have a job?” The guy answers “finance stuff”. “Baby that’s made my pussy wet! Are you stacked, like loaded so rich?” He mumbled some incoherent stuff, and the Queen was impatient: “I didn’t get your name, it’s ok we are not getting married!”

As Madonna showed off her cynical side, she was quick to also show off her softer side; here’s when she gets a little emotional when she brought up her four children: “This love song, I’d like to dedicate to my beautiful children; they are my soulmates, my true loves and nothing can tear us apart.” The song? ‘La Vie En Rose’ made popular by French singer Edith Piaf. Bless her heart!

Two hours was up and it was nearing to closing time and after all the life lessons she’s taken us through, plus interesting anecdotes that will stay in our minds for a while, Madge sealed the night with encore song ‘Holiday’ without draping over herself a Singapore flag as she got rapped for doing so with a Philippines flag in her Manila concert. Overall verdict: it was enjoyable, a tad short, and Madonna being Madonna – cursing was a prerequisite to the M18 rating show together with the topless flapper model and shocking elements throughout the show. She is after all, not sorry bitches!

 

 

 

 

 

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